When You are Unable to do anything else

2/9/2014 4 Comments

When You are Unable to do anything else

Patience - silence - indecision - a feeling of being lost - directionless - empty.

It's a place between worlds, between what was and what will be. A place of loss of expectation and of wanting something my way. A time of blankness rather than confusion.

Maybe it feels sad - it can, of course. Or perhaps it can feel bleak. Meaningless.

Maybe.

But then I wake to a new dawn and can see another day of beauty. It's the small moments - the puff of a horse's breathe, the twitch f a tree branch, the quiet of the day just as the snow starts to fall heavy and slow.

The moments are counted in heartbeats.

And maybe that is the place where we can finally begin.

Begin to start the journey again. To count the breaths in the day rather than the success of the greater whole. To appreciate the smallest try rather than the goal. To live in the now rather than the past or the future.

I hope that you can join me here - in the silence of the moment, in the stillness between the notes. The perfection of the present will bring the amazement of the future.

TO MY READERS:
Have you lived here as well? How did you bring joy to this moment rather than sorrow? How do you smile - when all you feel is emptiness? How much fuller is life when you live in each of its moments?

I look forward to hearing from you. Blessings,
~Mattie

4 Comments

Laura Riggs

2/9/2014 08:57:54 am

Am very much in that spot of in between right now. Timing was perfect for this.

Thanks.

Jeanie Shepherd

2/9/2014 11:12:37 am

Powerful words....heartfelt expression of the realities of this world. One can benefit the most by allowing every emotion, acknowledging it, thanking it for it's lesson, and watch it pass. Blessings and Peace

2/9/2014 02:13:01 pm

Yes I have lived there .... I did not, though, ask the good questions you have asked there Mattie! Good on you for that. The sorrow, the emotions.. just a reflection of what the focus is. It can be hard to change a focus, when we try. Don't try. Better to add in another (fresh) focus, for me personally that healing focus is always Gratitude for what I DO have and enjoy and am and do. Still ... sometimes the subconscious needs processing time. We cannot always control the process. Waiting .... patience, and faith in God (for me), is powerful. Blessings my friend ..

Kendra DeKay

2/10/2014 11:06:31 pm

Hi Mattie,

You are in my thoughts a lot now, and I really feel for the difficult time you are going through. I am sorry for your pain, but I know that with your many gifts, talents, great attitude and resiliency that you will move into a new chapter of life that will be fulfilling and where you can shine and share your remarkable self with others.

I went through a similar process after each of my first three horses died... it was so difficult to find meaning in anything... I had given those relationships so much it was heartbreaking. I realized that I was grieving for two things: the loss of my friend (what everyone else could see, too) and the loss of my dream of having that relationship and everything we would do and be together in the future (which was a private loss).

What I didn't lose, and was even able to appreciate as time went on and lessened the sharpest pains, was everything I had put into those relationships, the lessons learned, the memories of our good times together, and the person I grew into along the way.

I know your circumstances are not the same, but I hope as you struggle to move forward that you will remember you are loved, how many lives you have touched and inspired (including mine!), you have so very much to offer the world, and that time spent investing in relationships is never wasted, even if the relationship ends. What you take with you after the worst of the pain subsides, what you permit to become part of your life story and how you see yourself is very important. Take time, take care, and take comfort in the special horses and people in your life.

Sending many hugs from SC. If you need a change of scenery and want to come visit, you are always welcome at my house! Aiken has LOTS to offer in the horse department... not the least of which is Colleen Kelly and Kelly Sigler in our backyard.

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